this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
