just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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