I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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