you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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