Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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