there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
