there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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