i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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