Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
