This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
