You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
