i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
that is very illegal...i love you.
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