I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
