i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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