Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
