they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
