GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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