as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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