I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
