3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
