I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Randomize
