If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
