just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
