I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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