I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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