she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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