Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
