Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is this like a preordered booty call?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
