Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
