I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
