He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize