well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Drunk is not a location!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
