They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
