i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
