the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He shit in the fireplace
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
