remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
