Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
