if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
