I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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