I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
