I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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