look no pants
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
