I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
