I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize