i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
