Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
