Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
