Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
