We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize