I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
