boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
