you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
