Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
