Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
