what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
