God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
