im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
