I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
