Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
