I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
