I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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