I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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