you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
