How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
