I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
