Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
