I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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