My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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