You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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