just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
