Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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