i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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