Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
