he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
