Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
