Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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