Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
